Forget how it’s going to impact the economy, free movement and relationships with our European neighbours – what are we all going to eat once the UK leaves the EU? It’s been keeping the more culinary-minded of us up at night as we hold our Italian lemons close, gently caress our German katenbrot and whisper sweet nothings to our few remaining cans of confit de canard.

Of course, once we separate from the EU all these exotic continental products will disappear from shop shelves in seconds, as those with Brexit bunkers stockpile all they can, laughing heartily through mouthfuls of chorizo as those of us left outside wander the streets crying out for just one more kielbasa. We’ll make do with homegrown produce for a while, but when infrastructure starts to fall apart and farming, transport, power and clean water become things of the past, we’ll have to get more creative and inventive when it comes to feeding ourselves.

As skyscrapers crumble around us, satellites fall out of the sky and society regresses into a tribal-like state, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the days of inviting people round for some good food and drink were over. But we don't think so! With a little ingenuity it’ll be easy to both impress and have some fun in the kitchen – you’ll just need to be a bit more resourceful when sourcing ingredients. To get you started, we’ve put together five simple, tasty, nutritious dishes that are bound to be a hit with the family. Take a look below and get ready to embrace a whole new kind of British cuisine!

As the farming industry collapses and fresh fruit and veg becomes harder and harder to source, the cleverest home cooks will make the beautiful British countryside their supermarket. And while certain ingredients – berries, wild animals, apples – will be brutally fought over, there’s one thing that’s always in plentiful supply: grass! Whip up a refreshing healthy salad by ripping up handfuls of your garden and layer the verdant blades on a plate. Dress with whatever you have to hand – a cupful of pondwater, your own tears or oil from an abandoned car all work well. Add some foraged leaves from a nearby hedge and you’ve got a dish that exemplifies hyper-local cooking at its finest.

Fresh vegetables will be traded like currency in the years to follow after Brexit, so if you’re the lucky owner of a potato and don’t need it to barter your way out of a dangerous situation: congratulations! With such a luxurious ingredient you don’t want to mess about with it too much, and when the National Grid goes down and plunges us into a world without gas and electricity, the majority of cooking will be done over burning tyres. Why not retain the natural flavour of potato by simply serving it carpaccio-style instead? Simply slice it as thinly as you can then fan the segments for an attractive starter that is guaranteed to impress what remains of your family and friends.

The wood pigeon has been considered a delicacy for centuries, but we’ve been allowing the common city pigeon to live peacefully under our noses – until now! Years of walking our streets has made them pretty easy to catch, so they’re a readily available source of much-needed protein. Once you’ve caught, dispatched and plucked your pigeon, thread chunks of it onto a skewer made from a tree branch (or simply enjoy whole for a quirky twist on a Sunday roast) and find one of the many burning barrels scattered across your nearest city to give it that authentic barbecued taste. Street food has never tasted so good!

Getting around post-Brexit Britain will be more challenging than it currently is – all roads will be jam-packed with lorries queueing up on the way to Dover – but if you happen to live by the coast then get ready for some stunning soups. The ocean is literally swimming with all sorts of delicious things to eat, but as fisheries agreements cease to exist open waters will mark the return of pirates, making it a dangerous place. Instead, grab whatever vessel you have to hand and scoop up some fresh seawater. It contains the essence of all that delicious seafood you remember pre-Brexit without any risk of being captured by rogue fishermen. Do drink it in moderation though – it tends to cause massive dehydration.

Sometimes the best dishes are made in the heat of the moment with whatever you have to hand. And when you’re moving from abandoned house to abandoned house in the search of sustenance, who knows what exciting treats you’ll find in those cupboards? Think of this dish as a blueprint or foundation, to be tweaked and adapted to whatever you have to hand. We all eat with our eyes, so the key here is to get creative with the presentation.